The Hamptons Subway

Hamptons Subway Newsletter: Week of October 10–16, 2019

Rudy Giuliani was seen on a subway reading a thick dossier of important papers.

Week of October 10–16, 2019
Riders this past week: 31,298
Rider miles this past week: 106,893

DOWN IN THE TUBE
Rudolph Giuliani, the former New York City mayor, was seen Wednesday afternoon on a subway heading from Bridgehampton to Water Mill toward the home he owns there. He was reading a thick dossier of important papers. Gwyneth Paltrow, sitting on the subway talking to an assistant with a pad and pencil, was headed Thursday evening from Montauk to Amagansett.

PLAYING FOR MONEY
It’s supposed to be a surprise that Paul McCartney, Sting, P. Diddy, Billy Joel and Jimmy Buffett will be performing as the new quintet singing group “The Amagansetteers” at The Stephen Talkhouse next week, so don’t tell anybody, but before that, on Monday morning between 9 and 11 they will be rehearsing their new songs while sitting on the concrete floor of the East Hampton Subway platform with a cardboard sign and a tin cup out front. So, if you don’t give, its free.

COMMISSIONER WINS IN A LANDSLIDE
Bill Aspinall, our beloved current Commissioner, was re-elected for another one year term last week against perennial challenger, Luigi Ravioli, the company barber who runs his shop in the Hampton Subway building in Hampton Bays. The vote was 1,412 to 1.

DOG LOOSE
One of the seven vicious German shepherds that patrol the perimeter of the Montauk Yards where the subway cars spend the night has gone missing. These dogs are there to repel graffiti artists. The missing dog answers to the name “Adolph” and, if you snap your fingers, will not attack. If found, please call subway headquarters immediately.

MONUMENT TO KRATZ
As everyone knows, the entire Hamptons Subway system, down to the very last detail, was secretly built underground in 1927 and discovered accidentally during a superfund site dig in Sag Harbor in 2005. It was soon learned that the burial occurred by order of Ivan Kratz, the New York City builder who illegally double-ordered building material while constructing the Lexington Avenue Subway line and charging it to New York City in 1925. With the Feds on his trail, he had to hide the surplus building materials somewhere.

Kratz was arrested for triple-billing the city anyway on October 11, 1929 for another matter, but where that arrest took place was not known until recently. It occurred on the East Quogue railroad station platform in front of a baggage room by 10 cops, guns drawn, shouting “hands up.” And so, on this 90th anniversary of that great day, a monument honoring Kratz and describing the arrest will be unveiled there next Tuesday at 11 a.m. On hand will be Commissioner Aspinall, standing in for Kratz, who has since died, as well as Town Supervisor Jay Schneiderman, State Asssemblyman Fred Thiele and State Senator Ken LaValle. Congressman Zeldin from this district is unable to attend, remaining in Washington hoping to vote against the pending Presidential Impeachment proposal, but sends his regards.

TRACK REPAIR
The B subway line will be out of service from Noyack to Sag Harbor from noon to 6 p.m. Thursday so workmen can oil the rusty tracks on the sharp curve under Trout Pond to stop the squealing everybody’s been complaining about.

COMMISSIONER ASPINALL’S MESSAGE
I hope you all can attend the Kratz monument unveiling in East Quogue next Tuesday. Remember, the Roaring ’20s when Kratz double billed the city was a time when all crime and bad behavior were okay. So this was okay.

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