New Hamptons Ordinance Agenda Items for Consideration

Don't get stuck in the snow without 4-wheel drive or snow tires if you don't want a ticket
Don't get stuck in the snow if you don't want a ticket, Photo: 123RF

With the 2019 summer season in the rear view mirror and the 2020 season ahead, it is now the time that we need to pass new ordinances that will better guide us in the future. Specifically, those that will make life easier for residents and visitors alike.

If we start having a dialogue now, maybe we can get these passed before the New Year. In no particular order, below are the hot topics Hamptonites I interviewed seem the most passionate about at present. I have given them first-name credit after each suggestion:

Celebrity Restrictions
No visitor or resident shall request an autograph or selfie with a celebrity while in the Hamptons, unless it is at a sanctioned event. No one will be permitted to stare, gawk, photograph or film any celebrity they may encounter. Violators will be expelled. (Jerry)

Library Attire
Whether you are visiting any local library—including Hampton, East Hampton, Rogers Memorial, John Jermain or Amagansett—attire must be fashionable and seasonally appropriate. This means no white pants after Labor Day, and never shorts or T-shirts. Hats must also be removed while in the library. And shush. (Shannon)

Fair Tipping
East Enders will be required to pay a 20% tip fee on all wait service. This will appear on the bottom of the check but will not be referenced as a “tax,” so the money can go right to the server. (Brianna)

Flying car concept
Flying cars are a bad idea, Photo: cheskyw/123RF

Flying Cars
They are coming, so let’s outlaw these troublesome vehicles in the Hamptons. We already have enough air traffic congestion and noise. We need to get ahead of this one before it’s too late. (Karen)

Snow Tired
If there are more than four inches of snow and you get stuck, and your vehicle doesn’t have either 4-wheel drive or snow tires, you will be subject to 10 hours of community service for each offense. After three citations, your vehicle will be confiscated and not returned until spring. (Brittany)

Iceberg Building Zoning
Let’s follow London’s lead and start allowing building construction to go deep. We are running out of space here and it just makes good sense to allow developers to go subterranean, adding multiple floors below the ground to make room for growth and protect our vistas at the same time. (The Morlocks)

Favorable Traffic Enforcement For Locals
Each time you get pulled over for a traffic violation that does not involve injury, and it’s the off-season (after Labor Day and before Memorial Day), the officer will snip off the corner of your driver’s license and let you go ticket-free. As long as all four corners are not missing, you are all right. Only after all four corners are cut will you be ticketed. It’s like getting multiple mulligans in a round of golf. (On behalf of all Hamptons locals.)

Annexed East End map Long Island
The annexed East End, Photo: Maria Egupova/123RF

N&SFA (North and South Fork Annexation)
This is a joint effort by all local towns, villages and hamlets to combine the North Fork and South Fork into a single entity with a new name to be determined (possibly making “East End” official). The result will eliminate confusion among visitors who are unfamiliar with the lines of demarcation. (Alex)

So there you have it. I think if we pass these, we will be a better place to live, work and play.

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