Winter can bring out the best in some people and the worst in others. Here are some pitiful and outrageous excuses East Enders have recently used to call out of work for the day.
Marketing Executive: Billy Joel stopped by and asked if he could use my living room to shoot a new music video titled “Piano Woman.”
Sound Engineer: The mute swans outside my backyard kept me up all night.
Emergency Room Physician: I was watching reruns of Royal Pains and I am really tired.
Politician: There was an accident on the LIE, and that ain’t no lie.
Train Operator: I missed the LIRR to work.
Massage Therapist: I couldn’t sleep because I have a sore neck.
Librarian: I found out my husband just checked out the book Fifty Shades of Grey and I have to go out and buy some sexy lingerie.
Twenty Two Year Old Actress/Model: I have a facelift consult.
Chairman of The Board: The Security and Exchange Commission may show up today.
Southampton Psychic Medium: A voice from beyond told me I should stay home today and eat bonbons.
East Hampton Dog Walker: It’s too cold outside for their little paws so I am staying home.
Policeman: I have to go pick up my medical marijuana card today.
Ultra Skinny Cover Model: I ate an extra three pieces of celery with low-fat cottage cheese for breakfast and I feel too fat for today’s photo shoot.
Mayor: The snowplow pushed a huge pile of snow up against my garage door and I can’t get my car out.
Chef: Cooked for some friends last night and I think I have food poisoning.
City Worker: When I woke up this morning, for some inexplicable reason, I was in a really good mood so I don’t want to come to work and ruin it.
Account Representative: I am waiting for the mail to see if I got my pink slip before I waste gas on the drive to work.
Fashion Consultant: It’s raining and my Christian Louboutin’s are not water proof.
Acclaimed Actor: Not enough Paparazzi outside my front yard to make an appearance.
Cemetery Caretaker: I am really tired and besides, all my clients will still be there tomorrow.