After long negotiations, a final contract has been reached between local towns and the Hamptons Police Department. All sides professed satisfaction with the final deal.
Hamptons Police spokesman Larry Hirsch noted that the officers had largely received the pay increases that they bargained for, and were also pleased with some of the codicils that were added to the contract late in the game.
“With the establishment of the police department’s bacon dispensary, there was some friction among officers as to how bacon would be apportioned and who would get dibs on the choicer cuts, and this contract handles the matter in a fair and equitable way. In addition, with the police department’s growing fleet of luxury undercover vehicles, there was some dispute as to how to share the vehicles out to off-duty personnel—who gets to take the Aston-Martin to Vegas, who gets to have the Mercedes Gullwing over Thanksgiving, etcetera. This contract lays it all out.”
According to Hirsch, the contract negotiations did not address the medical marijuana facility the police are in the process of starting, and so they will have to vote on an addendum to determine which officers will have privileged access to the cannabis going forward.
“We’ll work it out,” the spokesman assured reporters.