Hamptons Police Dept. 2020 Budget Reveals Perplexing Line Items

By Oliver Peterson

3 minute 05/02/2020

Female Hamptons Police Department officer in pile of cash with bills raining down — Hamptons Police Department spending is up, Photo: 123RF

The Hamptons Police Department approved their 2020–21 budget on Tuesday. This year’s Department spending is substantially up from last year, marking the highest numbers in Hamptons Police history.

It’s clear the HPD is focusing a great deal of taxpayer money on public relations, while also introducing more innovative law enforcement programs than possibly any police force in the United States.

Dan’s Papers has highlighted some key standouts among the line items, some of which may warrant further investigation.

Facilities and New Construction
Montauk Recreational Facility Upgrades: $733,256.78
Napeague Impound and Parking Structure: $32,432,023.12
Ferret Animal Response Team HQ (details pending): $1,200,000.00
Baby Cop X-Treme Television Series (sets): $97,000.00
HPD Headquarters Upkeep, Upgrades and Repairs: $130,000.00

Public Relations Initiatives
Baby Cop X-Treme Television Series (film and production costs): $120,000.00
Rex Gallant: A Hamptons Hero Documentary Film (all): $60,000.00
Insane Clown Posse: ‘Juggalos for the Po-Po’ Benefit Concert: $78,000.00 (proceeds return to HPD coffers)
Hamptons Police Department Beach Balls: $1,243.56
Hamptons Police Department T-Shirts (all planned varieties for 2020): $2,657.98
Hamptons Police Department Beer Cozies: $332.43
Submarine Paint Jobs & Removal (pink, July 4 colors, et al): $16,000.00
“Sexy Week” Uniforms: $3,000.00
HPD’s Best Dance Crew Televised Event (production, location, general staff): $36,000.00

New Hires
Ferret Trainer (full-time with benefits): $72,890.00
Assistant Ferret Trainer (full-time with benefits): $45,596.00
New Ferret Officers (8 in total): $234.75
Art Consultant (independent contractor): $11,000.00
Social Media Director (part-time): $32,000.00
Baby Cop X-Treme TV Series General Cast: $80,000
Baby Cop X-Treme Lead Actor (name withheld): $175,000
Baby Cop X-Treme CGI Animator (part-time with assistants): $67,000
“Abyss Force” Deep-Sea Chief (full-time with benefits): $120,000.00
LaVage Coroboceau – B-Boy Dance Instructor (part-time): $35,000.00

Special Staffing Costs
Finn Zorn “Stay Home and Don’t Work” Fund (with benefits): $185,000

Miscellaneous
Glamour Mug Shotz (equipment, processing): $5,875.09
Ferret Food and Litter: $2,000.00
Cold Case Squad (operational expenses): $350,000 (donation from Mitsy Pattison-White)
Chief’s Discretionary Fund: $220,000.00
“Abyss Force” Deep Sea Policing Equipment: $1,200,000.00

Vehicles
HPD Nuclear Submarine, Jaws VIII (fuel, upkeep, repairs, dockage): $9,000,000.00
Undercover Luxury Cars: $3,500,000.00
“Abyss Force” Personal Submersible Watercraft (2): $2,120,000.00

Training
Historic Preservation Sensitivity Retreat (attendance obligatory): $23,000.00
Post-Retreat Historic Preservation Sensitivity Classes: $4,000.00
“Abyss Force” Deep Sea Officers (6): $66,000.00

Approvals Declined Pending Further Discussion
“Abyss Force” Deep Sea Police Headquarters: $650,000,000.00
Bunk Parking Spaces (Municipal Board to pay half): $3,345,087.92
Jet Packs (4): $1,232,000.11 [Editor’s Note: No details offered about this.]